Spells for Self Love: Selfish or Self Care?

The relationship you have with yourself is every bit as complicated as the ones you have with other people. So, it's no surprise that we can fall into conflict with ourselves. Self-love magic is a way you can address those conflicts, negative feelings, and anxieties and then let them go. By taking time out of your day to reaffirm your love for yourself, you can greatly improve your mood or even your overall mental health.

Below are two self-love spells that I cast most often. One is a confidence boost and the other is for when the sad hits too hard. They can be cast at any time, so they are ready whenever you need them!

a man in firelight practicing self love

I Kick A$$ – Self Love Spell

This spell is great for hyping yourself up for a big event, like a date or job interview, or just to pull yourself out of that I-feel-gross slump. It’s one of my favorites because it's simple yet effective. Plus the herbs are common enough you probably already have them on hand! This spell helps you see yourself and celebrate your existence. So take a few deep breaths, and let's get started.

a pink candle or a red candle isn't just for valentine's day - it's for loving yourself too

You will need:

  • 4 candles in your favorite color
  • 1 candle in your least favorite color
  • Lighter
  • Your favorite hype song
  • Cinnamon
  • Basil
  • Black pepper
  • A small jar, plastic bag, or another resealable container

Optional accessories:

  • A mirror



Before beginning, cleanse yourself in the manner of your choosing. 

Next, assemble your supplies. If you don’t have colored candles, choose four that are either new or in good condition and then choose one that is old. Have your song queued up, but we’ll save it for the end.

When combined, cinnamon, basil, and black pepper create a powerful spiritual and mental pick-me-up. Cinnamon is the herb of passion but it will also bring strength of self and security in your choices and actions. Basil is a common herb for love spells because it encourages sympathy. It's particularly helpful here because basil also dispels negative energy, fear, and weakness. Black pepper is a protective herb used to combat jealousy, both your jealousy of others and others’ jealousy of you. And finally, you will need a container to mix your herbs in.

Cinnamon sticks on a new moon - great for a love letter to yourself

As for the mirror, it can enhance the experience and help you focus on yourself, but isn’t strictly necessary. A hand or wall-mounted mirror will give you the ability to look yourself in the eye, giving you a visible and physical focal point. If you have dysphoria or any body image issues or just don’t feel like it, don’t feel bad about skipping this. Focusing on your inner self is just as potent and will not weaken the spell.

Finally, prep your space. Choose a space that you use daily, perhaps where you get ready for the day or a place where work gets done, or even the kitchen. Just about anywhere is fine, but make sure you have a safe, flat surface for the candles and a bit of space for yourself. Don’t forget to have water or other fire safety equipment nearby. Wear your favorite outfit or something that makes you feel amazing, even if it's just your killer combat boots.

The Spell Casting

Once you are ready, set your supplies to the side and sit or stand comfortably. Cast your circle, or simply ask the divine, the spirits, or a favored deity to bless this working.

Next set the old or least favored candle in front of you, at least an arm's length away. Then arrange the four favored candles in a line between you and the single candle. They will be acting as a shield, so space them evenly. Set your resealable container directly in front of you.

rose petals can add to the mood or rose petals can help hype you up

Light the candle and say:

~Here are my insecurities, my doubts, my troubles, and the aches of my soul.

As the single candle burns, light the favored candles from your non-dominant side over. Left to right if your right-handed, or right to left if you’re a lefty, and say:

~I defy my insecurities, for they are lies that keep me from loving myself.

~I renounce my doubts, for they are distractions that keep me from honoring myself.

~I triumph over my troubles, for they are trials that keep me from embracing myself.

~I am kind to the aches of my soul, for they were the traumas that kept me from being myself.

Next, you will mix the herbs in your container. Start with the cinnamon and say:

~I create a foundation of love for myself, that I may be strong in my convictions and sure of my path.

Add basil and say:

~Again, I love myself, with compassion and curiosity that I may know and cherish my true self.

Add the pepper and say:

~A third time, I love myself, wholly and completely that I may revel in being myself.

Then look yourself in the eye in the mirror or close your eyes and turn your gaze inward and say the mantra:

~I am bright, I am extraordinary, I am utterly magnificent.

Any positive mantra can be used here. If you have a favorite, feel free to use it here. Whatever you choose, repeat at least three times or until you can feel the words in your bones. Say it loudly, yell, stand, and jump around, do what you need to to feel the energy in your body and feel it grow. The more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. Shake the container of herbs while you do this.

white candle and rose quarts could help lighten your mood

Once you are sufficiently energized, play your hype song. First, blow out the unfavored candle and then the favored candles in the order that you lit them. Sing and dance while you end the self love spell working and gather your supplies. It's a great idea to be silly, enjoy being in the moment, and being yourself.

Save the container of herbs and anytime you need a quick reminder of how awesome you are. Shake it vigorously and say your mantra. When the herbs begin to weaken, you can recharge them by repeating the spell.

I Need Me – Self Love Spell

 This spell was written in a dark time in my life, a time when depression and desperation made living hard. For those of us struggling with mental illness, loving ourselves is often the hardest thing for us to do. This spell is in no way a replacement for prescribed medication, a healthy support network, or therapy. But it can help stop a spiral and reset your negative thoughts about yourself. It creates a magical touchstone to bring you back and remind you to reach out.

This is also a very simple spell designed to be done with little to no energy. Repeating the spell will strengthen the touchstone so don’t be afraid to do so as often as needed.

You will need:

  • A small trinket that fits in the palm of your hand
  • Comfortable clothes
  • A small bag or sachet
  • Chamomile
  • Lavender
  • An apple
  • Lemon juice or salt

Optional accessory:

  • A timer


When choosing a trinket, you can use just about anything, just find something that has called to you. It can be a marble, a feather, a shell, a bracelet, etc. I used the first rock I found when I dug my garden. But anything small that you have found or was given to you will work. Make sure you haven’t used this item in any workings before and don't plan on using it for anything else in the future.

Lavender and chamomile have both been used in love and healing magic for hundreds of years. Lavender itself is well known to combat depression while both herbs excel at soothing anxiety.

The apple is known as the fruit of the gods in many cultures around the world. Because of this, the apple is seen as a fruit of longevity, love, and healing. For this spell, I have found a sweet apple usually works best. Both salt and lemon juice are used for purification and protection, so you only need one.

Begin by cutting the apple into at least four pieces, cut out the seeds, and then sprinkle with salt or lemon juice. You will be eating the apple, so choose whichever one you like the best. If you’ve never had either on an apple, cut out a small piece and try both. Lemon is often used to keep cut apples from turning brown, but I like the salt better.

If you don’t trust yourself with a sharp object at the moment, you can take bites out of the apple. Just add salt or lemon juice as you go. If you cannot eat the apple, you can set aside the pieces instead and bury them outside as an offering after you finish the spell.

Once the apple is ready, don your softest, most comfortable clothing. I’m talking about fuzzy socks, old hoodies, silk pajamas, or whatever else makes you feel cozy. If you’re feeling extra, grab some blankets and pillows to make a nest with. Then find your comfort spot. The spot that you go sit in when everything is just too much. It can be on your bed or under a desk or on your back porch. My comfort spot is at the bottom of my closet. (Yes, you can laugh at the bisexual who can’t stay out of the closet.)

The Casting

Get as comfy as you can and set your supplies to the side. Cast a circle, or simply ask the divine, the spirits, or a favored deity to bless this working.

The hardest part is first, but I promise it doesn’t last long. Set your timer for 10 seconds and sit with your pain. Let it well up, let it hurt. You don’t have to give it words, just let the pain come. As soon as the timer sounds, reach for your touchstone. Never sit in your pain for more than 30 seconds.

Hold the touchstone to your heart and say out loud:

~Enough. I am enough.

~With these words I declare myself good enough, strong enough, worthy enough to exist.

Eat a quarter of the apple while silently repeating these words to yourself. Don't put down your touchstone. Next place the chamomile in front of you and say:

~I bless this chamomile and call upon its calming strength.

~With this herb, I declare myself glad to see today, glad to hope for tomorrow, and glad to be alive.

Eat another quarter of the apple while silently repeating these words to yourself. Grab the lavender and place it next to the chamomile and say:

~I bless this lavender and call upon its loving spirit

~With this herb, I declare I will strive for peace, strive for passion, and strive to love myself

Eat another quarter of the apple while silently repeating these words to yourself. Combine the lavender and chamomile in the sachet and say:

~I bless myself and call upon my aching heart.

~With these words I declare I will thrive in this world, despite all adversities.

Eat the last of the apple while silently repeating these words to yourself. Once the apple is gone, close the circle in your favored manner.

Your touchstone is now ready to be used. Carry it with you either in the sachet or on its own and hold it anytime you begin to feel overwhelmed. But at the end of the day, the touchstone needs to be put back in the sachet or placed atop it if it doesn’t fit. Use new lavender and chamomile each time you renew the magic for best results.


Casting spells is a unique experience for everyone.  So don't be afraid to use different herbs or words or whatever you feel called to do. You can even use an essential oil in place of an herb if needed, or create a candle spell of your own. Follow your instincts. After all, that's what self-love is all about; trusting and honoring yourself. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Witching you all the best!

Sierra Lin

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